Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
