You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
