once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Semen is not good for contacts.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
