The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
