so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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