No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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