I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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