so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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