u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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