So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize