she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
