I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So much rum. So many feels.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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