awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
