How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
