Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
