You smell like a Billy Joel song
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
