No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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