I must be too annoying 4 u.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
