the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
