She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
