At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
