dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize