I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
