Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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