non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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