I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Bring me that man meat
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
