btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
