i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
