Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
