...so i touched it.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
