yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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