May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
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