He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
