Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
