i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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