I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
