Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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