It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
