it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
