I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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