FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
