like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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