you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
