you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
