remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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