Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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