i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
