I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Can I color on your dick again?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
