If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
