Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
