Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
