You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
