What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
