Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
