there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
