I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I looked at my own cervix.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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