I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize