One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
