I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
