I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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