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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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