i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
