Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
