I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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