He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize