I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
