12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
