i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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