I can't breathe out the right side of my face
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
