her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Farmville is her only friend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
