Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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