If i come over, it means nothing
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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