Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize