Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
