you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
