I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I came so hard my ears popped.
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