Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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