everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
