I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
