my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
