All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
