Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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