If i come over, it means nothing
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
