your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
