True but thats because hes a fetus.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
