How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize