so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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