Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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