I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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