My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
