she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
