If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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