And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
