At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize