Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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