I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
