I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
