I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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