dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize