so that wasnt chicken after all
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
