Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
